WTF ANNA!

The completely perfect Anna Kendrick attended the MET Gala the other night with whoever the fuck this goof is. This dude doesn't even really do anything, yet he snared the hottest piece of ass on earth, making this the biggest upset since I won that no-rules, underground MMA tournament in Thailand last year.  With that in mind, you might think I'd begrudgingly give him the respect he's clearly earned.  Yet, look, here I am, telling him to go fuck himself.

Katy Perry Is All Hands.

 In this picture, it looks like Katy Perry and Anna Kendrick are about to start up some hot girl-girl action. I bet this picture really pisses off those hateful homophobes in Sochi. They would say something dumb like, "It's unnatural." Whatever, "Natural" sucks anyway.  Rattlesnakes and tornadoes are natural too, look how bad they suck.  Anna, Katy and I agree, fuck you, Nature! 

WHAT THE SHIT IS THIS ABOUT!?

I was trying to think of some reasons to call Jared Leto an asshole because I resent him being at the Grammys with my one true love, but then it dawned on me I’ve never heard anything bad about him, and he absolutely killed it in the Dallas Buyers Club. I know one time he had a cold, and I think one of his cousins is adopted. Maybe there’s something to that. Maybe he got the cold because he was fucking orphans. Let’s go with that.

Hey did you hear Jared Leto rapes little kids? I read it on a prominent website. Oh I know, right. What a piece of shit that guy is.

The Grammys Are Happening. Anna Wore This.

Anna Kendrick wore this dress to the Grammys and it shows a good amount of boob, which is good because I love boobs. When I have sex with girls while thinking about Anna Kendrick my semen will make them better drivers and let them know about shoe sales before they happen. Form an orderly line, ladies. No need to call me all at once.

It's Anna Kendrick, Bitches!

If you were wondering wether or not I would be doing a Anna Kendrick post today, well buckle the fuck up because you're god damn right I am! My Anna was the premiere of her movie 'Drinking Budies' in London last night. She is so GD perfect that she could be cut out of a sharks stomach or fused to airplane wreckage and I would still need one of those condoms that numb your penis. I could watch Anna push my grandma down the stairs and all I could say is, "wow, look at her go. You must work out". In summation: Anna could be dead for 12 hours and I would still go down on her 

Post #100 Is Of Course My Sweet Anna Kendrick

It should come as no surprise that my 100th post would be reserved for the perfect Anna Kendrick. She's in the UK right now and was out at some fashion show last night, looking as adorable as ever. Anna is so perfect she should be frozen and studied. Or at least used as a breeder. Some of you may scoff at the moral implications of something like that, to which I would fake a cough while barking out "homo". To further discredit your pedantic objection, I would grab your wrists in front of the other members of whatever board is in charge of this sort of thing and demand you "stop hitting yourself" and ask "baby gonna cry?". The room would then fill with impressed murmuring and my powerful Aristotelian logic would once again rule the day.

Anna Kendrick Is The Best

I just found out that Anna Kendrick will be in this months GQ. I'm sure I will go to a zoo more times this year than I will buy a magazine, but that's what the Internet is for. And I'm not gonna lie, God could tell me that in five minutes Jesus is going to ride down on a rainbow with a great battle axe on a giant cyborg horse with lasers for eyes to kill the wicked and when the wicked have been cleansed from the Earth, Jesus would take me up on a cloud and give me a basket of genie lamps and next week's winning LottoMax  numbers, and that would still be the second best news I've heard today.

Happy Birthday, Anna Kendrick!

Any conversation about the hottest girl in the world would have to include Anna Kendrick. You could disagree with me if you like, but that would be like not recognizing Texas as a state. It is a state, so stop being an asshole. 
Anna just finished filming 'The Last 5 Years', in which she plays a struggling actress. I play a hotshot Navy SEAL, kicked out of the service for a crime I didn't commit, lost in the bottle but finding peace in helping the disenfranchised. In the movie, you may ask? No my friends, in my incredible real life. 

Anna Kendrick makes my heart smile.

I was trying to figure out what’s cuter, Anna Kendrick in this music video, or a basset hound puppy taking a nap with his tongue sticking out. And also, the basset hound puppy is in a patch of yellow daisies. I’m pretty sure the answer is still Anna Kendrick in this music video. Watch it if you like cute things. Or don't, and I will kill a kitten. You don't want to be a kitten killer, do you?