Marisa Miller Won The ESPY's

The ESPY's were held last night, and my sworn enemy, LeBron James won some stuff. But Marisa Miller made all of us the real winners by showing up and looking amazing. Her dress wasn't slutty enough though. That dress asks you to use your imagination, and since the Internet can show you anything at any time, my imagination has been worn down to a nub from a lack of practice. If I was a cartoon, and you could see a close up of my brain, it wouldn't show a mouse sprinting in a wheel, it would show a donkey asleep on his back in the mud. Asking me to masturbate using my imagination is like asking me to build a log cabin. I know  people used to do that kind of thing, but I wouldn't even know how to start.