Maitland Made Every Nerds Day

I'm a terrible white person because the three things I dislike the most are: The Beatles, hockey and Star Wars. Maitland Ward of 'Boy Meets World' fame is making me reconsider one of those things. I'm not going to lie, this could have been an add for penis reduction cream and I would have paused just for a second before clicking to submit my order. 

I Heart Irina Shayk

Irina Shayk is a Russian supermodel who looks like a cartoon villain come to life. Here she is in Hawaii doing photo shoot for SI. And it's hard not to notice that she can't keep her hands off her breasts.  Not that I blame her.  I would be all over myself if I was a girl too.  And I'd use my vagina to hide things like snacks for the movie theatre or my house keys if I was going for a walk.  You chicks have it made, you're like sexy kangaroos. 

Alessandra Is Here To Help

Supermodel Alessandra Ambrosio attended the Race to Erase MS event over the weekend. It's always a good thing when a celebrity can lend their fame to stuff like this to help raise money and awareness. However, if I were the organizers of this event, I'd be a little concered. Alessandra is a model, not a doctor. There's always that chance her lecture on Multiple Sclerosis will consist of her vision of a world that has only one Sclerosis.

Fuck You, Donald Sterling!

I love basketball and hate racists, so it really pissed me off this week when Donald Sterling was exposed as giant racist, dirt bag.  Here's a life hack: Be good to each other always. Regardless of skin colour, sexual preference, gender, religion, rich or poor....BE GOOD TO EACH OTHER! 

My sexy website got real serious there for a minute so here's Nina Agdal to make it better. If you're like me, you're extremely surprised that she and I aren't dating yet.  I've written her several times, but I don't know if she's gotten my letters because those smart-asses at the Post Office claim "Boobs" is not a real address. It would have been nice had they mentioned that before I spent 98 dollars on postage. Maybe I didn't have to mail every single picture I drew of me and Nina flying over a rainbow on a Unicorn, but the discerning eye will notice that in some of the pictures the Unicorn is white, while in others its silver. And in one I braided his mane, and in another we’re actually on a dolphin.

Katy Perry Is All Hands.

 In this picture, it looks like Katy Perry and Anna Kendrick are about to start up some hot girl-girl action. I bet this picture really pisses off those hateful homophobes in Sochi. They would say something dumb like, "It's unnatural." Whatever, "Natural" sucks anyway.  Rattlesnakes and tornadoes are natural too, look how bad they suck.  Anna, Katy and I agree, fuck you, Nature! 

WHAT THE SHIT IS THIS ABOUT!?

I was trying to think of some reasons to call Jared Leto an asshole because I resent him being at the Grammys with my one true love, but then it dawned on me I’ve never heard anything bad about him, and he absolutely killed it in the Dallas Buyers Club. I know one time he had a cold, and I think one of his cousins is adopted. Maybe there’s something to that. Maybe he got the cold because he was fucking orphans. Let’s go with that.

Hey did you hear Jared Leto rapes little kids? I read it on a prominent website. Oh I know, right. What a piece of shit that guy is.

The Grammys Are Happening. Anna Wore This.

Anna Kendrick wore this dress to the Grammys and it shows a good amount of boob, which is good because I love boobs. When I have sex with girls while thinking about Anna Kendrick my semen will make them better drivers and let them know about shoe sales before they happen. Form an orderly line, ladies. No need to call me all at once.