Nina Agdal pt3

Can we just be serious here for a minute. How GD terrible is it that lady-man Adam Levine is banging my sweet Nina. More people were killed by Gorillas last year than guys who pulled ass this far out of their league. I can't believe I never got to sleep with her once. Maybe she was put off by my promiscuous past. I made it clear to her that I'd never been with a prostitute (in this country) and I even showed her my negative test for STD's, but she still wouldn't give it up. Granted my test was a true-false test that I wrote myself, and upon closer inspection it would appear I do in fact have several STD's, but the test is framed in a frame showing Tigger sitting on Winnie the Poohs tummy. AWWW! 

Kate Upton Makes Baseball Better.

Last night the MLB made a strong move to become the number one sport in the world by placing Kate Upton in the crowd at the Yankees game. It's got to be tough though, being used for your smoking hot good looks, just to sell a brand. Man, do I know that feeling. I’m not just a pretty face and a tight ass, but at the same time I’m not gonna apologize for being this beautiful. I don’t spend an hour on the Stairmaster every morning just to hide these buns. I’m not gonna brag about my skills in the bedroom though, because a lot of that talent is just god-given. Call me, ladies! 

Happy Birthday, Bar Refaeli!

Today is Bar Refaeli's birthday. Bar is so insanely pretty that it almost doesn't seem fair. She's the kind of girl science fiction writers wrote about in the 50's, some slave girl made in a lab, perfect in every way. Although I don't really pat attention to that stuff. One of the reasons the ladies think I'm hot is because I don't think I'm hot. They're always real surprised when I tell them that I don't think I'm hot. They can't believe it. I'll be doing some push-ups or working with my horses or something, with my muscles glistening in the sun, and they'll be all like, no way, you're so hot, and I'll be all like, well, I mean, I guess. And then we do it. Happy birthday, Bar! xoxo Call me! lots of Bar's sexiness after the jump. 

Chrissy Teigen Is Awesome

If you're not following Chrissy Teigen on twitter then you're doing it wrong. She is awesome. She is super smart, a very acomlished cook, self admitted drunk, a beautiful bikini model with a kickass rack, and she's hilarious. And I mean actually hilarious, not like how guys tell girls they're funny in the hopes of getting an HJ behind the KFC like always do. Notice how I said she was smart first? Looks like someone is really starting grow up. I even colour inside the lines now. 

True Blood Is Almost Back

My apologies for the late post to the three people that read this, I was busy reading spoilers for season six of True Blood and making fan art of my beloved Deborah Ann Woll, who plays 'Jessica' on the show. The season premier is on June 15th and I'm really hoping this is season we get to see her boobs. Because I'm really getting tired of masturbating to my Jessica and Sookie action figures that I've placed in the 69 position . Sometimes they fall over before I'm even finished. Just a couple of teases is all they are. 

Tracy Spiridakos

'Revolution' was a breakout hit for NBC this season so that means they will likely cancel it because NBC is nothing but a bunch of fuck ups. I hope they don't cancel it though, because then I wouldn't get to watch Tracy Spiridakos run around in her tight little outfits and shooting shit up. Tracy plays Charlie, a girl on a mission to find her brother and avenge her fathers death in a post-apocalypse America, transforming into a badass war machine. Man, this bitch is hard. She reminds me of when I was a shortie, bangin in my hood just to stay up. Except, replace the word “hood” with the words “all white country club” and the words “bangin just to stay up” with “being scared of the high dive”.

Tom Hardy Is A Decent Person

Dreamy hunks like Tom Hardy and I have to stick together, so when I heard about this, I thought I should pass it along. A cancer patient in the UK went on tv and said going out with Tom was on her bucket list. This got back to Tom and he surprised the girl with a date and a diamond necklace [full story here] . What makes this cool is that he did it quietly, without a press release from his agent or cameras around to catch his "good deed". Please know that if Kim Kardashian went to visit 9/11 survivors there would be a 1 hour tv special and she would probably interrupt one of them to say, "ugh, I hate it when planes land early".