Happy Canada Day! Marcy Style.

Well, its my beloved Canada's... somethingTH birthday. Christ! I don't know, what am I, Canada's biographer? Anyways, today is Canada's birthday and you can bet that most of our beautiful women will honour this great country by wrapping their tits in a Canadian flag bikini and shotgunning our superior beer. Hey Middle East, have fun dressing your women like Halloween ghosts and driving a donkey to your job inside some hellish pit of insane violence. No need to rethink that. You've clearly figured out the winning formula. Here's 25 famous reasons our country rocks! 

Bar Refeali Is In Something Called Passionata

These Bar Refeali pictures from something called Passionata got me wondering where Jewish people rank her on lists of great Jews throughout history. Jews love organizing things, so I knew they would have plenty of lists like that, and I was right. But then things quickly took a perplexing turn. It seems crazy, but none of the lists I found even had her in the top 5?  Oh I know,  right?  What the hell is that all about?

Moses, Abraham, David and Jesus were in most of the top 5 lists because of their miracles and religious leadership, but if all 4 of them were doing pretty much the same thing, how hard could it have really been? Meanwhile there's only one Bar. So those 4 are out. 

That leaves only Einstein, whose Theory of Relativity showed how  a large amount of energy could be released from a small amount of matter. This would eventually lead to the atomic bombs that killed  250,000 Japanese in WWII. Unlike Einstein's insatiable thirst for blood and hunger to kill, Bar only sends messages of love and peace. 

So do these new findings mean that Bar Refeali is the greatest Jew of all time? According the data, yes. Yes she is. 

Nina Agdal pt 4

I found these see through pics of my beloved Nina today, and so I saved all the pictures in an excited tizzy, and then published them on the internet. On a somewhat related topic, my dad went to an Ivy league school and was a Marine Corp fighter pilot. And now you know why my parents tell their friends I died in Tower 1 on 9/11

Rosie Jones Is In Nuts Magazine

I spend approximately eighty percent of my day sitting in a dark room and constantly refreshing Rosie Jones' twitter page. It paid off big time today when she tweeted a couple of pics from tomorrow's Nuts Magazine. I have no idea what Nuts is, but according to Wikipedia, Nuts is a "lad mag" based in the United Kingdom. Also according to Wikipedia, Ebenezer M. Chaimberlain was elected the prosecuting attorney of the ninth judicial circuit in 1842 and became elected president judge of the ninth judicial circuit in 1843. How fascinating!

Jake Gyllenhaal Might Be Tapping This, But Not Likely

Hot rumor around Hollywood is that Jake Gyllenhaal is tapping Alyssa Miller, And by “hot rumor” I mean “completely untrue rumor”. You see, when a man and woman love each other very much, the man will sometimes place his penis inside the woman’s vagina. But when the man loves other men, he’ll sometimes place his penis somewhere else. Somewhere unspeakable. And then at Thanksgiving, his dad says “pass the turkey, and try not to fuck it”, and his mom runs off crying 

Robin Thicke Has Good Music Videos

A while back, Robin Thicke put out his music video for 'Blurred Lines' feat Pharrell and T.I, and I'm just getting around to it now because I'm lazy. The original video is banned on Youtube because they show a breast or two, and feminist blogs are saying its too rapey for their taste. Settle down honey, He never says women want to get raped. He just said some girls - the fun ones - like to party. And of course thats true. At least for the girls who want the boys to like them. I wish my "girlfriend" felt that way. You wouldn't think a doll built from saw dust and horse hair would be so uptight, but you haven't met Kandi. I'm posting the censored version on the page, in case you're at work, but the fun one with boobs is here. Enjoy, its pretty damn good. 

Miley Cyrus Has A New Music Video

When a child is born into wealth and privilege then is told she's talented her whole life, they develop and skewed sense of self-worth and truly believe everything they do is a gift to the world. Enter Miley Cyrus' new music Video 'We Can't Stop'. Its looks like Japanese tv commercial for life insurance, in that, its completely fucking bonkers. Here's the video if you want, but Im just going to post a screen grab and save you the time. There's dancing stuffed animals, Miley as a 80's stripper and a some girl who will apparently bend you over and mount you if you come near her. Quite frankly, that's not my cup of tea. I just cant get pregnant right now. I just can't. 

James Gandolfini Is Dead

Tony Soprano's screen cut to black in real life.  The great James Gandolfini has passed away from an apparent heart attack while in Italy with his family. Man, hearts can be a real dick heads! The Sopranos is the greatest television series ever made and Tony is an icon who will be greatly missed. I checked and Justin Bieber is alive an well, by the way, there's some real fucking justice for ya. Rest in Peace, Mr. Gandolfini. Here is some of Tony's bad assness

Kelly Brook Gets It

Its pretty hard for me to justify posting physically perfect Kelly Brooks's vacation photos from Cancun, but she went to the trouble of putting her 34E tits on display, so I think the least we can do is stare at them and sexually objectify her. Stop being so rude and start staring at her tits. 

Kate And Nina In Body Paint

These are pictures from SI's swimsuit issue where models, Kate and Nina have their swimsuits painted on them, and photographed in 360 degrees. When I found these pictures my chest got all tense and tight so I laid down to have a nap, and when I woke up my stuffed animals were all stuck together. What's up with that?

More after the jump

Kanye May Have Cheated On Kim

Wait. What. A rapper might have been unfaithful! Well clutch my pearls *fans self* Honestly, I don't care, as long as 'Yeezus' is a great album, Kanye can send her on a vacation down a flight of stairs. And don't write me saying that was a horrible thing to say. We all know this kid would be better off being raised by Komodo Dragons than these two. Page Six has the full story if you're interested. 

I Don't Know How To Feel About Katherine Webb

As the title would suggest, I'm not sure if I find Katherine Webb hot or not. I mean, she's brunette, has a great rack and... Im sure she can count to ten. Look, the list doesn't have to be very long to impress me, ok. There's just something I can't quite put my finger on.. Is it her mouth... nose maybe. My penis is pretty confused right now. He just dramatically pushed all of his charts and graphs off of his desk, looked to the heavens and yelled, "why God! why did you choose me to decide!" Here she is at Spike's Guys Choice Awards the other night. 

Rachel Bilson Just Because

Good God! I just realized that I left Lady Gaga at the top of the page since yesterday. My bad you guys. So here's Rachel Bilson just because she is so incredibly adorable. She's like a koala holding the Snuggle Fresh teddy bear on a seesaw. You know, except with a way more accommodating vagina. 

The Cupacabra Has Been Found!

If grainy photos of the mythical Chupacabra in a bikini are your thing, then today is your lucky day. Lady Gaga took a break from ripping off 90's Madonna to go to Mexico. Pandering to the Gay and Lesbian community to sell albums while stealing the identity of other famous pop stars is hard work, apparently. Check out the pics if you want. You weirdo. 

Lee Lee Sobieski Had A Birthday Too

Lee Lee Sobieski may not stack up to Kate Uton, but lets face it, who does. She's still hot and has some pretty nice boobs in her own right, and it's her birthday today, too. And that's what I do here, folks. Boobs. Her career never really took off like I thought it would. Maybe because she never had a sex tape "leak" like Kim, or she doesn't steal and rail coke like Lindsey and she doesn't sleep with with directors who happened to be married like Kristen Stewart. Look, Lee Lee, do you want to be famous or not? 

Happy Birthday, Kate Upton!

It's Kate Upton's 21st birthday today and I started looking at pics for this post around 1 o'clock this afternoon. Next thing I know I'm asking the attending paramedic where I was and where we were going, because the last thing I remember was seeing Kate in a wet t-shirt. But all he said was I should try to relax and put the mask back on. Sorry buddy, but that's  just not how I roll. So I stood up, pulled the IV out of my arm, and said no, no forget about the pictures. He said what pictures, but deep down he knew what I was talking about, and that I had won the day. I didn't become the silverback of bloggers by backing down from a fight. 

Kaley Cuoco does FHM

Not even Kaley Cuocos hotness could make me sit through 'Big Bang Theory'. Even I have to draw the line on what I will sit through just look at pretty girl. If I understood math or graphs, I would make Venn chart to illustrate my point, but I don't. That show is the Jay Leno of sitcoms, it's horribly unfunny and yet millions love it. So watch that garbage if you like, it's your life, man. I will sleep the sleep of the pure of heart knowing I have never helped that shows ratings. 

Kate Upton's New Movie Looks Okay.

Kate Upton is filming a movie called 'The Other Woman' and I will see that movie no less than 100 times. I bet that, even if you photoshopped these pictures of Kate Upton frolicking on the beach like her entire life is a damn Beer commercial, and combined them with pictures from, like, Auschwitz or Hiroshima, the overwhelming majority of guys could still masturbate to them. Repeatedly.