Jake Gyllenhaal Might Be Tapping This, But Not Likely

Hot rumor around Hollywood is that Jake Gyllenhaal is tapping Alyssa Miller, And by “hot rumor” I mean “completely untrue rumor”. You see, when a man and woman love each other very much, the man will sometimes place his penis inside the woman’s vagina. But when the man loves other men, he’ll sometimes place his penis somewhere else. Somewhere unspeakable. And then at Thanksgiving, his dad says “pass the turkey, and try not to fuck it”, and his mom runs off crying