The Emmys Happened. Julianne Hough Was There.

The Emmys were last night, but I didn't watch them because football and beer. But I did look up the pictures of all the sexy celebrities and sexy winners. White people be MAD today because Bryan Cranston didn't win for Breaking Bad, that distinction went to Jeff Daniels for The Newsroom. And guess what? Suck it, white people! Jeff deserved that shit and the The Newsroom is the best damn show on television.
Okay, good talk. Now on to the sexy.
Julianne Hough was probably the best looking one there, but she looks way better in a pair of jeans and t-shirt than she does in a fancy dress. She’s perfect just the way she is, I guess is my point. Like the laughter of a child or the promise of a new sunrise or my penis. An inch smaller would take away from it’s majesty, an inch bigger would just be greedy. Hint hint, Julianne.

Anastasia Ashley Is REALLY Good At Instagram

Anastasia Ashley is a pro surfer who captured our hearts and our minds with her viral warm up video 
While we can't as a society seem to escape Miley Cyrus' poor, sad ass, news outlets and social media are completely ignoring the majestic creation that is Anastasia Ashley's ass. I'm pretty much an expert on white girl ass as I've studied them my whole life, both here and abroad. I have advanced degrees in yoga pants and short shorts. My credentials speak for themselves, so please don't question me. All I'm saying is that we could clear up this whole Syria thing if Assad just watched this every morning. You probably wouldn't have the energy to slaughter thousands of people when all you wanted to do was eat a sandwich and take a nap.

Kelen Coleman And I Are A Thing Now

Kelen Coleman is a cute brunette and she also has a reoccurring role on my favourite tv show 'The Newsroom', so obviously I follow her on twitter/love her. She tweeted something the other day and I responded, not thinking she would even see it, but she did and she loved it! Now I've never had a girlfriend so I don't really know how these things work, but I have to assume that we're dating now.

Alexandra Breckinridge Is New Here

I recently discovered the wonder that is NetFlix, and along with that, the wonder that is 'American Horror Story'. That show is fantastic! Now I've never got the whole fetish of a girl in a maids uniform, until I saw Alexandra Breckinridge in one with her sexy red hair. 

Hot chicks with blood red hair are the absolute best. It’s like nailing a chick in a video game. Except this time, the game is for real!

Hopefully this will work out better than when I tried to play World of Warcraft – for real! Those black guys selling drugs seemed immune to my Blood Boil spell, and it did not cause any noticeable Shadow damage. Also my invisibility cloak must have slipped off my head because their punches and kicks seems to find it just fine.

Nabilla Benattia Knows How To Dress

All the picture agency said is that Nabilla Benattia is a French reality star who was filming her show in Miami and was at some event last night in Paris. Intrigued to learn more, I went on wiki and it said she’s an interstellar cloud of dust, hydrogen, helium and other ionized gases where new stars will often form.

It’s possible I was actually reading the entry for “nebula”, but by then I had gone back to staring at her tits and didn’t really care anymore.

 (Photo source SawfFirst)

Post #100 Is Of Course My Sweet Anna Kendrick

It should come as no surprise that my 100th post would be reserved for the perfect Anna Kendrick. She's in the UK right now and was out at some fashion show last night, looking as adorable as ever. Anna is so perfect she should be frozen and studied. Or at least used as a breeder. Some of you may scoff at the moral implications of something like that, to which I would fake a cough while barking out "homo". To further discredit your pedantic objection, I would grab your wrists in front of the other members of whatever board is in charge of this sort of thing and demand you "stop hitting yourself" and ask "baby gonna cry?". The room would then fill with impressed murmuring and my powerful Aristotelian logic would once again rule the day.

Katharine McPhee Has DAT ASS

White girls with booties have been all the rage for the last couple of years and god willing that's a trend that won't change anytime soon. Enter, Katharine McPhee. 
She’s such a hot girl and such a big star, it’s hard to believe she had to go through ‘American Idol’ to get discovered. It’s also hard to believe in dinosaurs or Italians. The liberal media is all dinosaur this and Italian that, but where’s the proof, you know what I mean.

Britney Is Back

The cover for Briteny Spears' new song "Work Bitch" came out and I'm assuming they used some sort of Gypsy magic to make her look like this, because there's no photoshop program capable of this. Sharknado was more believable than this cover is. Here's a link to it if you're into that sort of thing. I only made it to the 20 second mark before I almost stuck a knife in my ear. 

Sup, Kelly Rowland?

Kelly Rowland is in some magazine called, oh I don't know, let's say its called "Holy Shit Kelly Rowland is Hot Monthly". She looks incredible in that thing. Sexy but not slutty. Which is also how people describe me when I dance the bachata, by the way. Erotic, yet always in control. If I had to describe my dancing with one word it would be; “sensual”.

Lacey And Rosie Have Calendars. Buy Them.

Pope Gregory the Thirteenth was so in love with the calendar he introduced in 1582 that he even named it after himself, but if I wanted to jerk off staring at charts and numbers all day I’d be an accountant.

Luckily, busty UK models Lacey Banghard and Rosie Jones have a better idea; let’s replace the old out-dated calendar that everyone hates with a calendar printed with pictures of their tits. Finally! A calendar that works! The old one was too confusing, there was too much math, I’m not a doctor for christs sake. 

Emily Ratajkowski At Fashion Week

Emily Ratajkowski of "Blurred Lines" fame is in New York for fashion week. 
In the sheer black top she was wearing, all I had to do was use Photoshop CS4 (which you can buy anywhere for around $900), then open each picture, select the Image menu, then Adjustments, then Brightness/Contrast. After that I just brightened the hell out of each picture frame-by-frame, and now you can sort of see her nipples. What a whore! “Put some clothes on you whore!"

New Kate Upton Just Because

Kate Upton was at the US open looking all sorts of good in this white dress. White is a good colour on girls, one that isn’t worn enough. I should open a club where girls can only wear white. A “Whites Only” policy, if you will. I think an interesting gimmick like that will make my club stand out in an overcrowded marketplace. Easy Street, here I come! Some new black and whites after the cut.

Jess Greenberg Is My New Boo

I'm a highly skilled Internet researcher and I used my Jason Bourne like skills the other day to discover Jess Greenberg. She sings like an angel, plays like Clapton and looks like what would happen if Megan Fox and Cindy Crawford had a child. And she has pretty good taste in music, too. Links to her YouTube videos here,  here, here and her kickass White Stripes cover here. By the way, I'm 100% certain all YouTube commenters are cereal killers based on the things they were saying about my sweet sweet Jess. She's more than just a pretty face and tremendous rack. God, this is why I got out of modeling. They just saw me as a piece of meat, a sexual creature to objectify. All the while I'm trying to tell them I have a personality, that I have a voice and a gentle heart, but all they wanted to do is put me something slinky and watch me walk across the room. Damn these chiseled good looks and these muscles! 

Alyssa Milano Has All The Sexy Bedroom Moves.

Alyssa Milano has a sex tape and you can see it here first (if you didn't see it at funny or die already). She'll probably try to use her fancy Hollywood lawyers to stop it from going any further. Yeah good luck. I tried to stop the release of the tape showing me practicing my light saber moves and you saw how that worked out.  "Star Wars Kid"?  Whatever.  They were just jealous because I was so awesome.  They'd never seen such speed.  They wish they had a checkered shirt and snug fit pants.  Just you wait, one day, in an age of conflict, in a world of uncertainty, a hero will rise…

Scarlett Wore This

All Scarlett is doing is walking the red carpet at some movie premiere, and yet, I can't stop staring.  That rack is awesome.  God and Satan could be in a gun fight behind her and I’d still just stare at her chest.  I think I’m in love.  And it might be mutual.  Are you guys picking up on all the sexual tension between me and these pictures.  Slow down Scarlett Pictures, the chase is part of the fun.